It started with a soft but firm caress, my head following her gravitational lure and then caught in his comforting grasp. Her soft furry embrace was surrounding me in an instant, while his firm stance ensured that none of us would fall away freely.
To say that it "started" that way is speaking loosely. It is the pre-pubescent princess trying to assert that things do not exist until she acknowledges their beginnings. Perhaps it had started way before that, much longer ago than I can fathom. Maybe it was planned for eons without my knowledge. Or perhaps it was decided impulsively. Regardless, by the time I became aware of it, there was no way of stopping it.
Before I could finish my thoughts of asking myself what was going on, the sensations were all over me. Simple signals going along my nervous systems carried by cells that are changing some sort of electrical potentials across some membranes (or what not), were enough to make me moan shamelessly at every sensation. No warnings, no preparation, just one massive orgy manifesting like a flame that I wish could blaze on forever. Only after the waning of the initial shock, I had realized that the foreplay had happened earlier disguised as something very innocent, and the consent had already been taken, or else the flame wouldn't have even manifested.
I thrashed around in their embrace as they overwhelmed me. They held me as they usually do every night, seemingly lifelessly, but something had happened today. The disguised lifeless objects have suddenly transformed into a harem of lovers. But perhaps they always were like that, and it was I who was too far removed from reality to know who I was. I was too busy ignoring the signals that went through my nervous system to realize that they have been patient lovers for years, just waiting for me to love them back.
While my body rocked in an orgasm, still being held in their loving grasp, I started seeing them for who they truly are. While my genitalia wondered how it was even possible that it had been left out of the loop of such an epic event, my mouth uttered the words "Oh... My... God..." There was no end to that phrase. I am not used to calling out the names of my lovers during sex. Also, I did not think that labels such as pillows, bedsheets or blankets were good enough words to express the depth of who or what those forms represented now. In hindsight, "...they are full of stars" could have been a good ending to that phrase, but even that wouldn't have captured the truth of it. So I kept repeating the conditioned incomplete phrase as I was carried away in the waves of pleasure.
In between the waves, I wondered about the humans involved with the creation of the forms that were surrounding me: The one who invented the process for making the blanket, the one who designed the fabric of the bedsheets, the one who decided on the softness of the pillow. Did they have any idea how much pleasure their actions have led to? And then there were the people involved in the various industries that made it possible to create such forms. I only knew the name of one of the humans involved, other than myself, but only because he wrote the book that played a major role in the foreplay. Then there was the question of my own form, my own body with this specific genetic code. Whether its creationism or evolution, there was an unimaginable amount of sex and survival that happened from that time to now, which had created me in this form to experience this moment of ecstasy.
The ecstasy and joy of particles, is what it was. The blankets, bedsheets, pillows, body, gravity, air, sensations, everything were particles and the space between them. "Objects" in space. The particles that make up my body may have rushed passed the particles that make up the pillow on their way out of the Big Bang. They may have said hi to each other on the way and they are meeting again after eons. Has the orgy happened only last night or has it always been happening since the beginning of everything? After all, all the particles were once in there before the bang. Did people put that much thought into the name "Big Bang"?
Tears started streaming down to my ears as I laid there and laughed. Tears of joy, made of particles and space yet again. It was funny that I didn't see this before. It was funny that I could be such a slut and a pervert in some areas of life, but such a prude to not participate in the most awesome orgy that there is: the expansion and contraction of the universe. The expansion and collapse of life and existence. The emergence of particles from space and its eventual return to space. Its like turning down the invitation to the biggest party in existence, just to look in vain for permanence in things whose very beauty is dependent on their impermanence.
But perhaps I was being too harsh. I am only a little girl going through a second puberty of physical and spiritual nature, who is part of the large collective child species known as humanity. I needed to feel the desire first and then build the trust to step outside of my tower. I needed to fully experience childhood before taking the steps towards being a teenager. And I needed the foreplay. I needed the guidance of an experienced being to assure me that it was ok to reach for what I desire. I needed to trust that it was alright to see beyond the surface of things even when the rest of the kids don't seem to do it. I needed to be kissed gently, taught to love myself, allowed to establish harmony in my entire being before being part of the orgy.
Then again, the most important piece was perhaps the fact that I wanted to be one with my lover(s). And "my" lover(s) wanted to be one with themselves through "me".
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